B’s Tips: Finding A “New Normal” After Loss

“There are moments which mark your life. Moments when you realize nothing will ever be the same and time is divided into two parts-before this, and after this” – Fallen

Everything has changed.  Nothing will ever be the same.  It is different.  It is messy.  It is painful.  It is Grief…and it is a process.

Grief and loss happens to all of us, it can come gradually or strike at a moment’s notice leaving you in an unfamiliar place, lost, and confused because what once was is no more.

Grief can take your breath away. It reshapes you. It redefines you.  It’s a time of emotional chaos. It’s intrusive and disruptive. It can come like a flood out of nowhere with feelings of sadness, anger, guilt, disbelief, anxiety, and even shame.

Grief is a normal natural reaction to any loss be it by death of a loved one, divorce, natural disaster, financial loss, failures, loss of employment, friendships, or pets. Journeying through grief takes time, and there is no one way-fits-all path.  Every experience is unique. We stumble through the darkness to what seems like a never-ending night. The dark night of our souls hopes and prays that the pain will end.  Unfortunately, there is no short cut to your new normal, it is a daily walk.

As you journey through grief and loss, self-care is so important because grief is emotionally and physically draining.  Self-care doesn’t have to be a major production; it can be as simple as taking a walk outside or having a hot bath.

 

8 Ways to Take Care of Yourself While You Grieve

  1. Set some time each day to be by yourself in a quiet place to grieve.
  2. Journal, write out all your emotions, don’t try to filter them… just get it out.
  3. Don’t judge yourself for grieving, accept the way you feel, it takes as long as it takes.
  4. Join a grief group.
  5. Seek professional help if needed, it doesn’t mean you’re crazy.
  6. Celebrate when you feel like celebrating.
  7. Acknowledge the pain and know that it is alright to be where you are.
  8.  Honor your loved one in some way.

10 Things to Know About Grief and Loss

  1. You never go back to the person you used to be, grief changes you.
  2. People will say things that are not helpful because they don’t know what to say.
  3. There is no timeline.
  4. One day you may feel fine and the next day you are back at day one.
  5. Grief can make you question your faith.
  6. Grief can make you feel like you are going crazy.
  7. Grief can manifest as pain in your body.
  8. You grieve your past, present, and future.
  9. Greif comes in waves.
  10. It’s ok to cry and it’s ok not to cry.

Finding a “new normal?” What’s normal about it?  There is no normal when it comes to grieving.  After a major loss, grief is YOUR journey. People can walk with you, but they can’t grieve for you, it’s your work to do.

What I have learned about the journey of grief and loss is that you don’t forget, the love you feel never dies, you learn how to adjust living without, and God’s peace and grace is always available.  Rebuilding your life after loss takes time but the good news is that God is always present to help us especially in our darkest hours.  God promise to never leave us, that nothing can separate us from God’s love, and God will comfort those who mourn.

 

What’s your experience with grief and loss?  What helped you through it? Feel free to leave your comments below as they could help someone going through grief and loss right now.

 

 

If you need grief counseling, CLICK HERE to CONTACT LIVING WORKS.

 

Live Well,

B

 

 

 

 

32 Comments

  1. Any kind of loss is followed by a grieving process and it can be long, dark and painful. Your tips are helpful reminders on strategies we can all adopt during such times…. and yes, we are changed forever on some level by it.

  2. This is a great post! touched my heart! I know the feeling well! Thanks for sharing!

    1. Seriously Sophie, did you read this post? Please take a moment to digest what she shared so powerfully…

  3. This is a really helpful post. I lost a friend that I’d known for 28 years last summer and I’m still grieving that loss.

    1. Author

      I’m glad it was helpful and I pray your strength through this journey.

  4. There’s certainly a new normal after loss. This post does a great job of giving ideas on how to let yourself grieve.

  5. Nobody understands how hard it can be to get over a loss. When people say it gets better they are lying. Things come up in your life and that lost because a problem because of the sadness you feel.

    1. Author

      Grief is a journey and we all grieve differently, sadness is just one of the many emotions we feel.

  6. Grief is certainly a painful and for some, very difficult process. These are some great tips for those who have suffered loss in their lives. Thank you for sharing.

  7. I love this post so much.. I have never experienced grief on a level that was life changing, but I dread the day I do. I worry about it and I think about it way too much. These tips did put my mind at ease, but I can only imagine how hard it is to adapt to life after loss.

  8. Grief can really consume some people. I’ve seen it happen a lot lately. I’ll be sure to pass on your post to some close friends and family who I think would benefit from your fab tips 🙂

    Louise x

  9. We lost two pugs within 9 months of each other. They were my best friends in the world and I miss them everyday. Grief is such a funny thing. One minute I think I’m ok, and the next I’m in the garden and a song comes on that reminds me of them. Before I know it I’m sitting in the dirt crying, asking God to give them an ear scratch and to tell them how much I love them. x

    1. Author

      The loss of a pet is a major loss I am a dog lover and have lost a few over the years and it’s so hard. Like any loss it takes time, and I just believe since God creates all life, God is giving your pugs an ear scratch because God loves them too. 🙂

  10. My friend lost her husband a few months ago and I am sending this to her. She needs it. She is trying to hold so much together. I told her she needs to take breaks and it is normal to need one.

    1. Author

      Yes she does need to take breaks often and thanks for passing this along.

  11. I’ll be honest, I haven’t really experienced this type of grief and loss yet, but I know I will one day really take these tips to heart. It’s normal to hurt and you have to heal the healthy way in order to continue on with your life!

  12. After losing 4 close family members last year, I found sharing my feelings and emotions with other people in my family really helped. If it gets too much to handle, I feel seeking professional help should never be ignored.

    1. Author

      Oh I am so sorry, one loss is difficult enough but 4 in one year is really difficult. Yes, professional counseling is always helpful, I sought counseling after the loss of my father and it really helped me.

  13. Grief is a hard thing to overcome. Thank you for your tips on how to go back to “normal” after experiencing loss.

  14. I’ve never had to experiece death of a loved one. Yes, thank God! I hope this post and message reaches and touches someone who needs it. Thank you

  15. This is such a helpful post. I am going to share it with my mom who just lost her best friend to cancer. I think that this will be such a use to her. Hopefully this post will help many, as this is such an important topic!

    1. Author

      Thank you K, I hope and pray that it will help your mom as well.

  16. Losing someone dear is always devastating, you feel that your entire life is over and there is nothing to live for anymore. It is so hard to live day by day and, each person lives through grief in a different way. I think that the support of friends and family is essential.

    1. Author

      Yes Joanna nothing can replace the support of friends and family during this time.

  17. dealing with grief is never easy but this post is very informative.Thanks for sharing.

  18. What a thoughtful, insightful post. We all have a different journey when grieving. You’re post will help those who are hurting. xoxo

  19. Such an important post for those who are going through a tough time. I wish I had some works of wisdom, but only with time things get less painful.

  20. Grief can be so overwhelming, this is a great post that would help anyone going thru grief at this time. I have found that the most important thing when I lose someone I love is to talk about them, not to act like they never existed. So many times growing up we were told to not bring up the person and this only made the journey thru grief more difficult.

    1. Author

      You are absolutely right Lisa, when we don’t talk about things it takes longer to get past it.

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